Who do you think you are?
Marching into my life
With your big scary boots
and your deep secure voice.
So full of opinions and ideas!
Full of woulds shoulds and coulds!
Full of assumptions and hints!
You with your clever language
Your soft tone
and your pathetic need to be right.
You with your self satisfying grin
Your calm movements
and so very perfect skin.
Who do you think you are?
Besotted with your work
fond of the devil -
rescuing the individual
who is possessed by demons.
what is it that you are missing in your sad little life
that you need to dive into mine?
Who do you think you are with your
qualifications and certificates!
Telling me things will turn out ok
Feelings will come out
Thoughts will be voiced
if only i trust you enough
if only i talk enough
and long enough
and loud enough
and fast enough
and frequently enough
so i can satisfy your self righteous mind!
who do you think you are?
staring at me
smiling at me
being gentle and affectionate
touching me
holding me
hissing at me
because you are furious with me
and then - leaving me.
Staying
Leaving
Staying
Leaving
Who allowed you to step in and out of my life
just like that?
With no care in the world?
With no consideration for the
unlovable child
the dirty child?
You selfish and self absorbed pest
Who allowed you to ask me questions?
who allowed you to poke around in my wounds?
who allowed you to demand replies
trust
and words?
Who the hell allowed you to use bad words with me
who do you think you are?
do you believe you are clever?
do you feel blessed?
and do you feel happy
or are you really just a mess?
just like me?
Muddled up, lost and evil
hovering around in no mans land
not able to reach the ground
not able to hold onto your hand
Who do you think you are?
its not clear to me at all
yet
of one thing I am sure!
You are a
Torturer!
Liar!
Sadist!
You try so hard to be one step ahead
But I
I see through you
right through you
You want to hurt me
you enjoy hurting me
the gratification you gain must be worth it
it better had been worth it
because now -
my kindest enemy
now i have to hurt you
hurt you for being real
hurt you
for being fake
for lying to me
for telling me the truth
for being you
in and out
in and out
ripping it open
tearing it apart
screaming so loud that my lungs squeeze through my mouth
slice it open
push the knife
deep into my tummy
in and out
the bloody blade pressed against my throat
one quick movement to the left
is leaving my body
flow like a fountain
who do u think you are?
I slash my face
my raggery.
you know I’m coming for you
who do you think you are?
don’t be fooled by the threads
i seem to be tied to
i will only dance with you
as long as i like your movements
don’t be fooled
Who do you think you are?
you are only made out of words
didn’t you know
that you are only made out of
flesh and bones and
all the shit people have poured into you?
lucky you.
but unfortunately
easy to destroy
who do you think you are fooling?
after the last drop of blood has left my body
i will rise
making my way to find you
and still you smile when i find you
and still you try to be calm
and still you think you know me
think i will not do it
you really believe that YOU know ME?
its easy
so easy
too easy
i kneel at your feet and hug and embrace your knees
i love you
but you don’t love me
not enough
i show you my true self
my hair falls out
my skin turns black
my devils face staring at you
i bite through your tendons
you don’t smile anymore
you scream
you didn’t expect me to do that
because you were so self assure
too self assure
this is what happens when
you don’t give your all!!
you sink to the floor
my blades slice the top of your throat
right down to your abdomen
its ok if you still want to stare at me now
or touch me
or hold me
or love me
i don’t mind
cos if you do - i finally know its real
but its too late now
i pull your body open
and step into your world
into your tummy
i become smaller and smaller until I am
a baby
i close your skin
Now I will live but you are dead
who did you say you were again?